It’s Sunday night and has finally cooled off to 90°. The high was 104° F today (but the weatherman said the RealFeel was 107°). If that means it was HOT, well they are right. The moon is hanging blood red in the sky tonight, huge as it moves across the sky. What a sight from my front porch.
Church was good. The talks and lessons seemed to focus on faith. How do I balance faith with the reality that I haven’t been able to find a good job? Yesterday, I applied for a job that I think would be perfect for me, but if past performance is an indicator … well, I don’t want to think about it. I want to have faith that the Lord knows I need a job. The Lord knows the desire of my heart is to be financially secure, stable, and meet my obligations. The Lord knows I want to work, am capable of working, and have a variety of skills that would make me a good employee. I want to trust that if this isn’t the job for me, that I will still be able to meet my obligations some how, that I didn’t get this job because something even more wonderful is just over the horizon and I need to be patient a bit longer.
So here I sit wrestling with my humanity, hoping for this job, wanting this job, needing a good job, wanting to be faithful, wanting to trust that it’ll all be ok soon, knowing this challenge is but a moment in the span of eternity, knowing that somehow every thing works out because it always has and why not now, feeling weak for doubting … I’m trying not to drive myself crazy over this thing. It’s a short drive tonight.
