Happy New Year

The last day of 2008 is only a couple days away. A natural time for reflection on the past year and looking forward to a brand new year all fresh and untouched. It has been a very quiet holiday for me. Mostly I just stayed home by myself and rested, read, and thought. I realize that I have not taken much time to think. Not in a morose, sorrowful way, but in a considering kind of way about where I am today and where I want to be at this time next year. Of course, life is what happens when you're making other plans, but if I don't have some kind of direction then I tend to wander aimlessly about wondering what the heck is going on. Aimless wandering is neither satisfying nor productive. I will trust the good Lord to direct my life where He wants me and I will make an effort to listen to the whisperings of the spirit and then go and do. I have been in survival mode for so long, it's kind of exciting to be looking forward to the new year with anticipation and hope.

I am counting my blessings. All my children and grandchildren are healthy and doing fine. I am able to visit with my parents regularly and share my life with them while they are sharing their lives with me. I live in a beautiful place in a home that keeps me safe from the storms raging outside. I am healthier now then I have been in years (and wonder of wonder...I caught some of the year end sales and am down to a size 12-14). I got my hair cut and now I'm styling, or sorta styling anyway. It looks like I've found a good job working with good people doing work that is not too hard and yet keeps me busy. I have brothers near by who take care of me and help out when I need it. I am lifted up in the blessings of the gospel, my wonderful ward, and the people I'm privileged to know at church. I could probably go on for about another hour or so, but I won't be so boring. Being grateful has been a large part of my musings this holiday season.

Although not without its challenges, life is good. Happy New Year.

Tomatoes and Apples

Ah, what a good day yesterday was. I put up a canner full of tomatoes. The green tomatoes are getting ripe slowly. A friend called and said she wanted to go glean apples but needed a ladder. Guess what? I have access to ladders. So the two of us old ladies went out to a small orchard near here and picked apples. They are red and golden delicious, and the owner decided he wasn't picking them because the market is bad for those types of apples. Apples is the one thing I haven't gotten hold of this season and I was praying for apples, isn't that silly. But I want to make some apple butter because I have a kid who loves apple butter and I want to give him apple butter for Christmas. In the grand scheme of life, what with jobs and illnesses and children and politics and wars and everything, you'd think heavenly Father would be too busy to worry about finding me apples. But He wasn't. Isn't that amazing? Sometimes I feel so alone and overwhelmed, sometimes my life is so full I can't hold all the joy in my arms at once. But always, even though I doubt it sometimes, I know God knows my name.

I must go and peel apples. My house is going to smell so good.

Feeling Blessed

It has been an interesting week in paradise. I got a part-time job, which is very good. I’m an Interactive Television Operator. Which means I run the board (cameras, microphones, internet or phone connections, etc.) so a teacher in class here or elsewhere can be seen in class at another location. We have off-site campuses all over the state that classes are sent to. I will work all day Monday and Tuesday (classes at 8 a.m., noon, and going to 8 or 9 p.m.) and Wednesday I’m done at 2. So I’ll have time to do massages on Thursday and Friday. Now I just have to find bodies to put on my table. As I increase my network, and because I am now billing insurance, I should be okay.

I can see the Lord’s hand in my life—finally. I must confess I was feeling pretty picked on there for a while. I need the flexibility of this job because we just found out that Dad and Carmen both have cancer. Details are still sketchy, but it’s very scary. Just the word cancer is scary. Working this schedule, with the flexibility I have will give me time to help them. Do you see the tender mercies of the Lord in this situation as I do? I am here now, with a job that gives me flexibility, with skills to help, time to help, and a desire to help my parents. I worked with a breast cancer support group in my previous life, doing treatments aimed at pain management and mitigating the awful side-effects of nausea and fatigue during chemotherapy. Now here I am, with a steady job, with opportunities to network for enough massage clients so I can meet my financial obligations, and with time free so I can be a comfort to my parents. And there are so many of us, nine children in all, and cancer is a family disease…it impacts the whole family in so many ways. It is a blessing that we can all support each other. Others have time and skills in different directions and together we make up an entire support system for the folks and each other.

Dad has an optimistic outlook, always has…or else as a 80-year-old man he wouldn’t have planted 1000 new cherry trees. He’s incredible. And Carmen is more worried about him than about herself. What an example of pure love.

I have been on many journeys throughout my life. I expect this to be like most in the past…a challenge to body, mind, and spirit. During this journey into the unknown (isn’t every day a journey into the unknown? we just maintain the illusion that we have life under control), I know I must keep the Lord close, hold his very hand, in order to make it through in a way that will give me strength, to know that even when death knocks, and, that too is inevitable eventually for all of us, I have a loving Heavenly Father who led me to this place at this time so I could be part of the processes and challenges of life here in paradise.

How blessed I am.