Lessons

I was asked the question yesterday..."what is it that you need to learn from your current situation?" And I began to think, "what indeed?" I acknowledge that I have a proud spirit. Well, had a proud spirit. My situation has been pretty humble for some time now, but if I was very honest, I guess I would have to say that my pride still rears its dragon's head once in a while and blows the hot flames of sorrow into my moment.

And yet, the Lord just keeps blessing me. Even when I doubt. Even when I cry because I don't want to ask for help, but there is no other way and I must. My desire is to be self-sufficient once again. My reality isn't in harmony with my desire yet. And yet, so many are so generous. My life is full of gifts.

My lesson? Was I just going to fast to notice my life slipping away and this is God's way of helping me slow down and contemplate my blessings? Was it that I wasn't present even when I was with the people I love, always thinking about what I needed to do next or what was on my list to do next week or just too darn tired. Is this busyness a form of pride I wonder? A sort of 'look at me and see how much I'm accomplishing and how much I have and how hard I work blah blah blah.'

Over half my life is gone and I have been given the opportunity to be here right now living this day, this moment with full awareness and without wondering about tomorrow or what's on my list or where I need to run off to. I watched the sun rise this morning. I have done my job today. Tonight I will go home to my little paradise and light a fire in the fire place and sit in my chair and stitch Christmas presents. That's as far as my planning goes.

If I am honest, I must confess that this is one of the gentler lessons I've encountered in my life. I have faith that the Lord will guide me and lead me where I need to be if I just ask and then listen real hard and make a committment to follow His counsel.

Undoubtably there is more to this lesson, and I haven't figured it all out yet. I have goals and have a picture of what I think my life could look like. But I know that there is a time and a season for everything and this is my season to be blessed with the generousity of others.

Humility. Acceptance. Love. All part of the lesson.