Lessons

I was asked the question yesterday..."what is it that you need to learn from your current situation?" And I began to think, "what indeed?" I acknowledge that I have a proud spirit. Well, had a proud spirit. My situation has been pretty humble for some time now, but if I was very honest, I guess I would have to say that my pride still rears its dragon's head once in a while and blows the hot flames of sorrow into my moment.

And yet, the Lord just keeps blessing me. Even when I doubt. Even when I cry because I don't want to ask for help, but there is no other way and I must. My desire is to be self-sufficient once again. My reality isn't in harmony with my desire yet. And yet, so many are so generous. My life is full of gifts.

My lesson? Was I just going to fast to notice my life slipping away and this is God's way of helping me slow down and contemplate my blessings? Was it that I wasn't present even when I was with the people I love, always thinking about what I needed to do next or what was on my list to do next week or just too darn tired. Is this busyness a form of pride I wonder? A sort of 'look at me and see how much I'm accomplishing and how much I have and how hard I work blah blah blah.'

Over half my life is gone and I have been given the opportunity to be here right now living this day, this moment with full awareness and without wondering about tomorrow or what's on my list or where I need to run off to. I watched the sun rise this morning. I have done my job today. Tonight I will go home to my little paradise and light a fire in the fire place and sit in my chair and stitch Christmas presents. That's as far as my planning goes.

If I am honest, I must confess that this is one of the gentler lessons I've encountered in my life. I have faith that the Lord will guide me and lead me where I need to be if I just ask and then listen real hard and make a committment to follow His counsel.

Undoubtably there is more to this lesson, and I haven't figured it all out yet. I have goals and have a picture of what I think my life could look like. But I know that there is a time and a season for everything and this is my season to be blessed with the generousity of others.

Humility. Acceptance. Love. All part of the lesson.

Chocolate and Other Thoughts

Why, you may ask, do I keep a 1/3 cup measuring cup in the sugar container? Because that's how much sugar it takes to make Fudge For One, and sometimes a pan of fudge is necessary to my survival. I have been known to double the recipe, but rarely, and only in extreme circumstances. Am I a fudge addict? Perhaps a binge fudge addict because I only crave it once a month or so. Hormonal trigger? you ask. Entirely possible. I read somewhere, and I don't know if it's true or not, that sugar, alcohol (which metabolizes as sugar), some illegal drugs, and being "in love" (that first rush of new love...addictive?) all stimulate the same "pleasure" center in the brain. Okie dokie, I can live with stimulating my brain with fudge. So here's the recipe:
Fudge for one
1/3 cup Sugar
1 heaping teaspoon Cocoa
1 Tablespoon + 2 teaspoons Milk
1 scant Tablespoon Butter (real butter is always better)
1/2 teaspoon Vanilla
Mix sugar and cocoa in heavy pan (I call it my fudge pan--even if I cook green beans in it, I smile over the memory of my last batch of fudge). Add milk. Bring to a boil. Boil for 1-1/2 minutes. Remove from heat. Add butter and vanilla. Beat till thick and not glossy anymore. At this point, you can pour it onto a buttered saucer and cut it into squares, or eat it from the pan. Which is usually what I do. Why dirty a saucer? Warning: give it a little time to cool, the stuff has just been boiling, right? It will take the hide right off your tongue. (Ask me how I know?...Right).
I found this recipe on the internet and if I could remember where, I'd list the citation. Unfortunately, I love to look at recipe sites, and cannot for the life of me remember where I found it.

On the home front, my friend left yesterday on the road to her new life. I was so happy to have her here, reconnect, visit, and renew our relationship. My oldest daughter and two babies are coming this afternoon for a week end visit. I'm excited to have her coming, looking forward to walking in the orchards with Bug and rocking Lady Bug to sleep (she hates to close her eyes and sleep for fear she'll miss something good).

I stopped in to see Dad and Carmen a bit ago, but they weren't home. I'll try later. Neither one of them feel well. Duh. Chemo is a harsh treatment and I hope they can survive the chemo long enough to stop the cancer. Carmen feels ill, but her cancer is responding to treatment. Dad's chemo is newly approved and he hasn't been taking it long enough to know if it's going to slow or stop the progression of his disease.

Thank you to all who have sent ideas, links, and prayers. I appreciate it.

I must go and hang the sheets on the line in order to have fresh sheets on the beds when Alli comes.

May the good Lord bless and keep you till we meet again.