Flyboy

My dad is a pilot. Even after he crashed his spray plane and was in a body cast for six months and had to learn to walk all over again, he returned to flying. He was telling Carmen a couple weeks ago maybe he should start flying again. They laughed. He laughed. She sorta laughed...she wasn't all the way sure he wouldn't. Dad is like that.

Good looking guy, yes?

Chocolate and Other Thoughts

Why, you may ask, do I keep a 1/3 cup measuring cup in the sugar container? Because that's how much sugar it takes to make Fudge For One, and sometimes a pan of fudge is necessary to my survival. I have been known to double the recipe, but rarely, and only in extreme circumstances. Am I a fudge addict? Perhaps a binge fudge addict because I only crave it once a month or so. Hormonal trigger? you ask. Entirely possible. I read somewhere, and I don't know if it's true or not, that sugar, alcohol (which metabolizes as sugar), some illegal drugs, and being "in love" (that first rush of new love...addictive?) all stimulate the same "pleasure" center in the brain. Okie dokie, I can live with stimulating my brain with fudge. So here's the recipe:
Fudge for one
1/3 cup Sugar
1 heaping teaspoon Cocoa
1 Tablespoon + 2 teaspoons Milk
1 scant Tablespoon Butter (real butter is always better)
1/2 teaspoon Vanilla
Mix sugar and cocoa in heavy pan (I call it my fudge pan--even if I cook green beans in it, I smile over the memory of my last batch of fudge). Add milk. Bring to a boil. Boil for 1-1/2 minutes. Remove from heat. Add butter and vanilla. Beat till thick and not glossy anymore. At this point, you can pour it onto a buttered saucer and cut it into squares, or eat it from the pan. Which is usually what I do. Why dirty a saucer? Warning: give it a little time to cool, the stuff has just been boiling, right? It will take the hide right off your tongue. (Ask me how I know?...Right).
I found this recipe on the internet and if I could remember where, I'd list the citation. Unfortunately, I love to look at recipe sites, and cannot for the life of me remember where I found it.

On the home front, my friend left yesterday on the road to her new life. I was so happy to have her here, reconnect, visit, and renew our relationship. My oldest daughter and two babies are coming this afternoon for a week end visit. I'm excited to have her coming, looking forward to walking in the orchards with Bug and rocking Lady Bug to sleep (she hates to close her eyes and sleep for fear she'll miss something good).

I stopped in to see Dad and Carmen a bit ago, but they weren't home. I'll try later. Neither one of them feel well. Duh. Chemo is a harsh treatment and I hope they can survive the chemo long enough to stop the cancer. Carmen feels ill, but her cancer is responding to treatment. Dad's chemo is newly approved and he hasn't been taking it long enough to know if it's going to slow or stop the progression of his disease.

Thank you to all who have sent ideas, links, and prayers. I appreciate it.

I must go and hang the sheets on the line in order to have fresh sheets on the beds when Alli comes.

May the good Lord bless and keep you till we meet again.

Work

Well, today is day 3 of real work...not just training. I realize I missed a few things in training that I'm learning now--by making stupid newbie mistakes. Thankfully, there are several people who know what they're doing and are very willing to teach me. What a blessing.

I haven't seen Dad or Carmen since Monday because of my schedule, but I'm going to stop in and see how they're doing today.

Autumn is here. It has gotten colder at night. I wraped myself in my rocking chair blanket and lit a fire in the fireplace last night. A friend is visiting and it was so lovely to sit in front of the fireplace and visit about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is a good day.

Darn

Dad didn't make it into the clinical trial because of his age and a few "other factors." Darn it. He starts chemo this morning and is exploring other treatments at other facilities. People have been telling us of people with esophageal cancer who went to this facility or took these nutritional products or did some alternative therapy and are still going strong. We're trying to sort through the information and make an informed decision. The doc called and said that after three treatments, Carmen's lesions are responding to the chemo and getting smaller already. We're all very happy about that.

I was called as Enrichment leader at church...once a month I get to plan a little party with classes for the ladies in my congregation, I put together Enrichment groups of women with similar interests or a desire to learn the same thing (the PhotoShop class is very popular), and throw several big blow out parties a year. It's a great gig. Unfortunately, prior to this, I really didn't go to Enrichment meetings. So they put me in charge. Isn't that how it goes? Anyway, we've had some very successful meetings and sometimes the next one flows out of the last one. Next month, after brief presentations on these subjects last night, we're going to learn how to crochet (well some of us are...not sure I am, crochet hook, yarn that tangles, she said it wasn't that hard, just a modified running stitch but you pull it through the bottom instead of the top or something like that...does that sound simple? no) neck scarves for the special Olympics to be held in Idaho? next year. Plus, some of us will put together care packages for an Adopt a Marine (in Iraq) program. There are many good programs designed to send our troops some love from home, like anysoldier.com. But this sweet lady said she chose this program because her first love was a Marine. Last night we put together craft and activity boxes for children who are living in "transitional" housing..that place between homelessness and a real home in our community. So I am catching the vision of Enrichment, understanding more that all things are spiritual and if an activity allows us to friendship, fellowship, learn, and serve then all the better. In class last night, I learned I'm going to have to rip up my garden this fall and start all over in the spring. Everything. Hmmmm. Except my roses. I'll cut them in half.

I must get ready to go to work now. More practice. I start with real classrooms on Monday. It's not that I'm nervous...well, yes I am but I'm coping. The lady I work for is great. I'm excited to get going.

Morning in Paradise

Life is about change, right? And so many things are in the process of becoming around me. My garden is sort of a microcosm of that idea, small plants and seeds grown large and producing wonderful treats for my table; tomatoes abound, green beans, green peppers, squash, and it looks like my beets and carrots are finally coming along. Autumn is in the air, the nights are cooler, the morning sun rises a bit later, the pumpkins are turning orange.

There was a huge, orange harvest moon last night, a bright red sunrise this morning, both reminding me that in spite of the temporary tornado I'm living in right now, there are constants that comfort and quiet the soul--that bit of order amidst the chaos which gives hope. The earth continues to turn, the seasons progress in their time, and I will continue to experience this moment, and the next, and the next. The love of family and friends, the growth of my own testimony that God lives, He knows my name, and He sustains me through all this; that's what keeps me going.

Carmen started chemo Monday and seems to be doing well. My Dad will hear about his clinical trial this week. We are all struggling with mortality around here. I looked at the moon last night and wondered...how many more full moons will my Dad enjoy? Does he wonder? I am comforted by family willing to listen to me and hold me when I cry while I work through this challenge.

I must go. I leave for work in a few minutes for more training. Hooray! My very own job.

May the good Father bless your day today as He has already blessed mine.

Feeling Blessed

It has been an interesting week in paradise. I got a part-time job, which is very good. I’m an Interactive Television Operator. Which means I run the board (cameras, microphones, internet or phone connections, etc.) so a teacher in class here or elsewhere can be seen in class at another location. We have off-site campuses all over the state that classes are sent to. I will work all day Monday and Tuesday (classes at 8 a.m., noon, and going to 8 or 9 p.m.) and Wednesday I’m done at 2. So I’ll have time to do massages on Thursday and Friday. Now I just have to find bodies to put on my table. As I increase my network, and because I am now billing insurance, I should be okay.

I can see the Lord’s hand in my life—finally. I must confess I was feeling pretty picked on there for a while. I need the flexibility of this job because we just found out that Dad and Carmen both have cancer. Details are still sketchy, but it’s very scary. Just the word cancer is scary. Working this schedule, with the flexibility I have will give me time to help them. Do you see the tender mercies of the Lord in this situation as I do? I am here now, with a job that gives me flexibility, with skills to help, time to help, and a desire to help my parents. I worked with a breast cancer support group in my previous life, doing treatments aimed at pain management and mitigating the awful side-effects of nausea and fatigue during chemotherapy. Now here I am, with a steady job, with opportunities to network for enough massage clients so I can meet my financial obligations, and with time free so I can be a comfort to my parents. And there are so many of us, nine children in all, and cancer is a family disease…it impacts the whole family in so many ways. It is a blessing that we can all support each other. Others have time and skills in different directions and together we make up an entire support system for the folks and each other.

Dad has an optimistic outlook, always has…or else as a 80-year-old man he wouldn’t have planted 1000 new cherry trees. He’s incredible. And Carmen is more worried about him than about herself. What an example of pure love.

I have been on many journeys throughout my life. I expect this to be like most in the past…a challenge to body, mind, and spirit. During this journey into the unknown (isn’t every day a journey into the unknown? we just maintain the illusion that we have life under control), I know I must keep the Lord close, hold his very hand, in order to make it through in a way that will give me strength, to know that even when death knocks, and, that too is inevitable eventually for all of us, I have a loving Heavenly Father who led me to this place at this time so I could be part of the processes and challenges of life here in paradise.

How blessed I am.

9/11

Today is Patriot Day.

On this day - 9/11/2001 we became a different nation. I have seen the fear of another attack, fear of "others who are jealous and wish to harm us" used as an excuse for an unholy war. The fear tactics our government promotes at so many levels has inspired many of us to willingly abdicate our constitutional rights...go ahead, imprison us if someone says we're a terrorist--take away our rights to a speedy trial and unlawful imprisonment; go ahead, listen to our private conversations with the excuse that if you listen to enough of us maybe you can stop another attack; go ahead and use the acts of this terrible day and the loss of so many lives as an excuse to attack a regime that, although abusive and dictatorial, had nothing to do with 9/11. What about all the other abusive, dictatorial regimes that have no oil reserves? What about the people dying because of those leaders? Don't we have a responsibility to go to war to change those regimes? Why not? Our constitutional rights are melting away because of the tactics of this regime, in this country; because of the fear they use to keep us in agreement. We are too willing to give up our rights for the illusion of safety and security.

Please understand, it is the tactics, the leadership I am opposed to. We are in a war, our children are dying, thousands of innocents are dying in the other country. I support our troops. I support our military efforts. I just think they are being grossly misused, which is a whole other tragedy. They do their jobs--well. They love their country. They serve even to death--for me and my freedom, for you and your freedom. May the good Lord watch over them and their families and bless them all for their sacrifices on my behalf and on your behalf.

God bless America. May He save us from our fear, from unrighteous leaders, from ourselves.

Freedom is a responsibility. May we exercise it wisely.

FINALLY

I was offered a job at Wenatchee Valley College today as an "Interactive Television Operator." They do a bunch of classes that are sent to other campuses in Washington and they need someone to man (or woman?) the cameras, mics, and electronic board. I have experience on a board for radio. Don't know a thing about this TV deal, but I'm confident that I can learn quickly. It's a part-time gig and that's ok. It'll give me time to do some massage as well. And there is a chance it may go full time (read benefits) which would make me very happy. I'm excited. I start tomorrow at 9:00. And I can wear jeans, a t shirt, and sandals. Does it get any better than this?

I am doing the happy dance tonight. Then I'm going to bed. Didn't sleep well last night. Too nervous. I'll be dancing in my dreams.

We'll see

It's been an unsettling week end, my dad is sick, my mom is sick...visitors...what to do, what to say? I just don't know.

I have two interviews tomorrow, both for part time jobs. We'll see.

I've been canning. I thought I was almost done with peaches from my dad and a neighbor has some peaches I can pick. So I will come home from interviews tomorrow and pick and can some more peaches. Got the bottles. Might as well do something with the unexpected blessing of more fruit.

I need to get to bed. I'm nervous about tomorrow. Like I said, we'll see.

I am a ship builder

I am a ship builder. I have no background in ship building. No particular skills or talents that would make others who know me say, "Of course, I'm sure she'll build a wonderful ship." I am building a ship because I was commanded to. My tendencies to be impatient, a day dreamer, slow to work and then rushing to finish—these traits and many more have caused me to build rafts rather than ships. They float don’t they? And they’re a lot quicker to build. Get on the water faster, right? Well, so I thought. But my little rafts were not what the Lord told me to build. He said, ‘Build a ship.” My first raft sank. My next raft sank. My third raft sank. (Does the term ‘slow learner' come to mind?) Finally I thought, “Perhaps I should build a ship.” I acknowledge that it is only through the tender mercies of the Lord that I survived the foolishness of my own bad habits, pride, and stubbornness.

So at this late date in my life, I am finally a ship builder. I am aware that I don’t know how to build a ship that will safely carry me to the Promised Land. I only know how to build rafts that may look fine but don’t float for very long, especially in rough seas.

I am gathering materials, ore to make tools and lumber to split and somehow fashion into a ship. I don’t know how to do this, so I must rely entirely upon the Lord. What I’ve done in the past hasn’t worked. I have to let go of my pride and do it His way. I don't know what this ship will look like when I get done—but God does. When I finish one step of the process, I go to Him and ask Him to help me with the next step. Occasionally, I want to counsel the Lord – “Well, when I built my rafts I did it this way—what do you think?” If I am silent long enough and really listen, He guides me through the next step and the next and the next. And it is never how I built my rafts.

I am sunburned. I have blisters and scars and sore muscles from the work. But I know if I can keep asking, listening, and doing what the Lord tells me that one day I will have a magnificent ship.

He promised me. He never breaks a promise.

(I wrote this essay some time ago stuck it in my journal in between a couple other pages. It’s a lesson I keep relearning.)

I'm better now

Ok, sorry about my little rant this morning. It's a beautiful day outside, I'm cooking some bar-b-q ribs for dinner, and I've had a productive day. So there you have it.

You know what I think? Instead of finding a fountain of youth (which I could probably use...everything on me is heading south)...wouldn't it be lovely if we could find a fountain of smart? I get the first drink.

Have a good evening.

Are we there yet?

I think it's time to run away. The picture for the post was taken while I was snorkeling at Hunama Bay on the lovely Hawaiian island of Oahu. Yea, that sounds like a good place to run away to. Living here in Paradise has its challenges. Of course living any place has its challenges, I guess. Perhaps it's the living part that is the challenge, but for the time being, I really prefer this to the alternative. It's just that sometimes moving from one day to the next seems really hard. I hate to be a whiner here, but that's exactly what I'm doing--having a major pity party. Anyone want to join me? Or perhaps give me some ideas where I can run away to? Or perhaps volunteer to run away with me? Or perhaps just come and share a jam sandwich with me and we can sit on my porch enjoying the view and talk about the complexities of the universe like we know what we're talking about and share a laugh like it doesn't really matter anyway? Anybody?

A good day ending

It was a quiet day in my little part of paradise. I stayed home, my brother stopped in for a bit and we visited. I was primed to put up some peaches Carmen picked for me off their tree yesterday. Got the canner full, made the syrup, got out jars and lids, sorted peaches, but alas, they aren’t quite ripe yet. Another day or two. Darn. I love seeing the jars on the table all full of peaches and pretty and hear the pop, pop of the lids as they seal. My life is full of small blessings that soothe the spirit and lighten the heart.

I work tomorrow and then I join the ranks of the unemployed. Oh well.

So I will take myself off to bed content that it has been a good day. The quiet gentleness of this day makes the night sweet and inviting.

God bless you, my family and friends.